This is a like war in my mind. I’m naturally quiet and overly observant. I see things that people, I’m sure, intended to be subtle. Yet, I catch it and do not know whether to question the person or let it go. From people’s actions, no matter how small, it’s easy to determine their thoughts. It can also be confirmed by asking. But is it worth it?
On Christmas day, a few relatives made some not-so-subtle personal attacks towards me. I felt so angry that I had a melt down two days later because I felt like I needed to fix something about this situation. Three people ruined the one day of the year that I love. Never mind how wonderful my two older brothers were. Never mind that my nieces and nephew were happy and enjoying themselves. I focused on the negativity that those three people brought into my home. I let them steal my joy and about 6 days later, I was still sad.
How would I fix this? By explaining myself! Yes, that should do it! (Not really.) I had to learn to let this go since it consumed most of my time. I had to realize that their bullying ways meant more about them than about me and I shouldn’t let them steal my happiness.
What they say doesn’t matter.
I have more important things to worry about. I spent days focused on how rude they were to me. I was so upset that I couldn’t concentrate on assignments and some went undone. I cried and screamed and was very angry. I know it’s an over reaction, but I wasn’t sure how to feel or how to handle the feelings. It took me several days to start grounding myself and focusing on what’s more important. I questioned why it mattered to begin with. I came to the conclusion that it all hurts. I love my family and when they treat me like this, it does sting. Once I realized this, I concluded that I felt disappointed. In reality, what they say means squat.
If people can find a way to comment on anything about me, from hair to clothes to personal beliefs, then apparently they have personal issues. Those negative actions and words are more a part of who they are and really have nothing to do with me. It means they don’t truly know me and they may have a warped idea of who I am. I can’t fix this. Yet, if they carry on, they will lose out on truly knowing me.
I know me and that’s what matters most.
If they don’t like something about me, that’s their problem. I’m perfectly satisfied with myself and embrace my own flaws. I have them just like those commenters have them. But I still find a way to accept them while working on them. (Yay for self-improvement!) Trying to remedy the situation through justification and explanation will not make things any better, for me or them. They are stuck in their own opinions. While I hate that, it’s not my problem and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s who they are.
- Anyone can be a bully, even family members. Rules still apply: what they say does not matter.
- People can be disappointing and what they say and do can hurt. Still you are a person, you deserve more, and you must learn to let it go.
- People who bully anyone are already quite miserable. If they want to hurt anyone, it’s because they have something going on inside of themselves that might not be too good. And you can’t help that!
- You have more important things to worry about! Think of all the things you find pleasure in. Focus on that and let the other things fall to the side.
It truly doesn’t matter.