A View of the Future and AvPD

On a Social Anxiety* forum, I recently came across a post about people who have Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD). The topic creator wanted to know about people who are in their 40s and 50s and how they are coping with the disorder. With many saying similar things to my current situation, it all seems bleak. Some of the posters were never independent and others felt that their future would not improve.directory-466935_1280

The post had a total of 11 responders in their 40s and 50s who discussed their own experiences of living with AvPD. These individuals lived a life with some form of a social disorder. One person’s level was mild and he was able to hold a job even though he dealt with an anxiety inducing situation like speaking with customers. Others were not so lucky. One poster stated that they were still dependent on their families. The few who said that they attempted a form of intervention including counseling and medicine felt that it was not helpful for their situation.

One person who stood out stated that they found comfort with their disorder once they accepted it as a part of them. I’ve said something similar in previous posts. Having AvPD can make a person feel helpless, but once I began to accept myself and my social shortcomings, I was able to work on them with advice and observations from sites like Life Hacker and from my brother who is good with conversations and socializing.positive-725842_1280

While my social life is still not perfect, I’ve learned to get by. Once upon a time I was unable go out in public, but now, I go to a restaurant or to the store at least once a week. There are still a lot of things that I can’t do that most adults seem to have mastered at or before the age I am now. Not being able to socialize or work makes me feel like less of a grown up.

I’m not pessimistic even though there are people with this disorder who struggle to make a living or have a fulfilling life. I’ve learned that I have to modify the dreams I once had. Like finding another way to make money or powering through school to finally finish my degree.

town-sign-749613_1280Another thing I noted from the experiences of those posters is that “bad experiences accumulate over time.” If this is true, I’m only more motivated to set and accomplish goals, which I believe will maximize my good experiences.

I guess my point is that it’s never too late, but to fully enjoy life even with any social disorder that hinders quality of life, it takes work and time. It also requires positivity and self-acceptance. While I look to a hopeless future, I can do everything to improve my situation so that I do have a better future. The most important thing to me is acceptance.

This disorder is a part of me and I’ve spent years fighting it and feeling shamed. Now I’m focusing on areas of improvement, taking online courses, and seeking out alternative ways to live my life despite the social disfunction that comes with AvPD and social anxiety.

I can relate to those older people who have the same disorder that I do, but I will not let that stop me from finding my own happiness and developing ways to make a living.

*Name of forum and posters is not mentioned to protect posters’ privacy.


2 thoughts on “A View of the Future and AvPD

  1. I’m glad I found this. I have AVPD to the point that I abandoned school and I’ve now been housebound for two years. I’ve felt so despairing, because I had to abandon the future and career I really wanted and it has left me feeling like a child in an adult’s body (I’m approaching 20). One of my coping mechanisms is to google my feelings (lol) and until now I’ve found practically nobody else talking specifically about how it feels to try and cope with what seems to be absolutely no future. I think I worded that badly. But yeh. I feel pretty hopeless, and idk how to progress from here (I have no faith in psychology, I’ve psychoanalysed myself to the point of absurdity already). I’ve taken to following current affairs and learning stuff willy nilly but I’ve been too depressed to commit to structure or participate in the outside world.

    Anyway. Sorry if this comment was too long. I’m just glad I found this. Thanks for writing it.

    • Not at all too long. I’d like to say I’m no expert, first of all. I did create this blog for people like me and hope to address this in the future about how there’s pressure to already be better before you speak about experiences. I’m not 100% “cured,” if there is even such a thing. I believe there’s a big process and finding the right therapist to help you along. This blog was created to be a voice someone can relate to. I want people like us to feel hope even when things seem hopeless.

      I still feel hopeless sometimes because I’m where you are and I’m nearing 30. When I was your age, however, I was out and about and pushing myself to do something. I had a goal and I was going through all of the motions. I miss that time because now it seems I’m not as ambitious. My only advice is to not give up. Yes, you are an adult now, but you still have so much time to accomplish many things.

      I suggest you discover what you love, no matter how weird, silly, or small it may seem. You have that right to do it and to discover the many things that life has to offer. At times it may not seem like it, but the sky is really the limit. You can travel, you can learn just about anything, and you can experiment with different careers. If college isn’t for you–it wasn’t for me–then you can learn stuff for free online and build experience through projects and volunteering.

      You still have many options. I did a lot at 19, and I wish I could have appreciated that more. You still have a lot of time to discover life. Please, don’t lose hope.

      Happy New Year and all the best!

      Nicole, Unsocial Gatherings

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